Masks

I was once sad and lonely,
Having nobody to comfort me,
So I wore a mask that always smiled;
To hide my feelings behind a lie.

Before long, I had many friends;
With my mask, I was one of them.
But deep inside, I still felt empty,
Like I was missing a part of me.

Nobody could hear my cries at night
For I designed my mask to hide the lies.
Nobody could see the pain I was feeling
For I designed my mask to be laughing.

Behind all the smiles were the tears
And behind all the comfort were the fears.
Everything you think you see,
Wasn't everything there was to me.

Day by day,
I was slowly dying.
I couldn't go on,
There was something missing..

Until now I'm still searching
For the thing that'll stop my crying.
For someone who'll erase my fears,
For the person who'll wipe my tears.

But till then I'll keep on smiling.
Hiding behind this mask I'm wearing.
Hoping one day I can smile,
Till then, I'll be here.. waiting.

Lost Soul

You pass me on the street and our eyes briefly meet.
You hold the door open for me as I enter behind you.
I say thanks, but you have no idea that my mind is blank.

In the elevator you crack a joke, I flash a smile,
you have no idea that my heart is in denial.

You ask me how my day was and I say fine.
You have no idea that my brain and I are arguing to if I should cross the line.

My happiness is gone as I walk in this world.
The thoughts in my head have me wishing I was laying in a cold dark hole.

Once you lose your soul there is no turning back.
Everything you once dreamed of no longer has an impact.

You don't want to love nor do you want to have fun.
Your days are so long the problems in your mind make you question if you should carry on.

You smile so that's what people see on your face,
they think that you are happy but deep down inside you feel like a worthless disgrace.

Each day the performance you put on for people is Emmy award winning,
But you question yourself and wonder if you act is just a way for you to hold off your own internal sinnings.

When you wake up from a night's sleep you wonder to yourself if today is the day your heart will be back to it's old self or will it still be skipping every other beat.
You wonder if things that once made you happy to be alive will make a comeback.

You wonder if the little things in life that made you who you are will have you once again dreaming to the stars.
You wonder if you will feel less empty hearted.

You wonder to yourself who holds the match to start that fire.
You're tired of running and losing your breath.

You want to hold tight to something that will help you once again enjoy the journey into lives amazing treks.

You want to feel that every day can be better than the last.
You want to turn your lost soul feeling into a thing of your past.

A Cold World

I can't fill the void,
The pain of this despair.
I'm counting down the seconds,
And it just isn't fair.

Why'd it have to happen?
I just can't understand.
I'll never hear your voice,
Never hold your hand.

And they say that it's ok,
But what do they know?
This granite stone is cold,
And I'm about to go.

They think that it's easy,
That you were nothing to me.
But baby, you meant the world,
Something you'll never get to see.

It makes me want to scream,
I don't know what to say.
And though you're not there,
These silent words, I pray.

I'm lost in the anger,
Reaching out for you.
But you were taken away,
And I can't believe it's true.

And it's not enough to breathe,
And it's not enough to cry.
Your loss cuts too deep,
For me to ask the question why.

And it's barely setting in,
It's sucking the life out of me.
No, it won't enter my soul,
So I can't yet set it free.

Thoughts Of A Broken Hearted

I want to cry
I want to scream
I want to tell you mostly
I hate that I'm so afraid of everything
I hate that you’re the one thing I want the most but can't have
I hate that you let me go before I got even got to say goodbye
I wish that you would come back to me
I wish I were strong enough to say no to you
I wish I could believe my own lies I use to cover up the pain you left
I need to move on says my head
I need to hold on says my heart
I need to decide says my mind
I envy the way this hasn’t hurt you at all
I envy her
I envy the fact you don’t understand what this feels like at all
I want to hurt you
I want to be with you
I want this nightmare to be over
I wish I could make things they were before you
I wish I could change time
I wish I could change you
I wish I could have hurt you before you hurt me
I wish I would have given you the letter when I wanted
I need you out of my thoughts
I need you out of my heart
I need to start doing things for me
I hate that you used me
I hate that I gave you something I can never have back
I hate that I wasted it with you
I'm tired of hoping aimlessly for you
I'm tired of wanting something I can't have
I'm tired of hurting me for things that aren’t my fault
I'm sorry I was good enough
I'm sorry I defended you when everyone else was right
I'm sorry I couldn’t make you happy
Funny though how you never once said sorry for hurting me,
for breaking me,
for not loving me.

Mixed Emotions

Inside I'm crying
Outside I'm smiling
No one notices
But its hard for me to control this
When you see me walk by
It doesn't look like it but I want to die
Thoughts racing through my head
Then comes the tears that I shed
How can I change
All the tears and rage
You say you understand
And all I need is a helping hand
That may be true
But first take a walk in my shoes
Sadness, angers, and unbearable pain
You'll be taking a walk full of nothing but shame
As time moves slower
My self-esteem gets lower
Am I nothing to this world
Or am I just a worthless teenage boy?

Hope you dont mind that I just copy and paste from my desktop just to save time.

Never Waits

He cannot take it any longer; he has decided to leave,
There is nothing she can do, to make him believe.
He has so many doubts, when he say he will be there,
He does not know why, but he does not want her to care.

There is really no need, for him to explain,
He just wants to end, all of his pain.
He already has a plan, he know just what to do,
To end his life, he will have to hide it from all of you.

No one knows, how he really feels,
He does not want her to think, that this is all real.
He hates himself, but he does not want her to know,
He cannot explain why, he just wants to go.

He does not know why, but he has felt like this for so long,
Maybe that is why, he feels like he does not belong.
Maybe he feels, like he is the only one to blame,
Because it is his life, it is his own game.

No matter what his friends say, he still does not believe,
He cannot love himself, so why shouldnt he leave?
He will try to push them away; he will try his best to succeed,
His friend; the knife, is all he will need.

He has tried so many times, yet he always seems to fail,
He has tried his very best, but his plans seem to derail.
He can not take it any longer; he wants it to end,
His funeral is something; he does not want them to attend.

He knows it may sound mean, but what is the point?
Why celebrate his life, when all he did was disappoint,
He will never tell her, it was himself he hated,
He does not know why but he's glad he never waited.